Sometimes you just have to re-center and re-evaluate. The winter was long and cold this year and it was a doozey mentally on the Courtneys. My sun-loving husband was craving our Hawaiian life while being surrounded by three computer screens the majority of the day. And I felt like our walls were coming down on me. I went through a phase where I wanted to buy an enormous house. I needed space. I slept, ate, worked, played and pretty much everything in-between inside our house. I complained our house was too small for our lifestyle and if I just had a bigger house then I wouldn’t feel so claustrophobic. I couldn’t take doing yoga in between toys thrown around the living room while a mixture of Barney sing-a-longs and Chris’ new guitar was screaming “waaaaaamp I love you wahhhhhh you love me waaaaamp” from downstairs. Chris and I work different schedules too (a lot of his clients are in a different time zone thus pushing his schedule later in the morning with an evening break with Annalise and I then back to work after we go to bed). I was up before the sun with Annalise and started working around 8am once Annalise was with my mom or Chris’ mom. I felt out of sync. The one time a day I went outside to get the mail I was greeted with a cold blast to the face of a winter so brutal and unbearably long that I thought the whiteness of our living room walls and the snow outside became one giant snow globe I was trapped in. Chris was ready to buy the bigger house even though he yearned for a warmer climate and wanted to move south. The idea of leaving my mom sent me to tears so that quickly dissipated as a viable option. Chris even looked into building a house so we could lay it out exactly how I thought would give all of use the space we needed. I even went and talked to my doctor about my icky-ness and how I felt like someone was just sitting on my chest at all times. We figured out together that birth of Annalise and the sleep deprivation that followed for over a year threw off my hormones making me feel even worse. Ohhhh hormones you explain so much. The doc also said this winter was killin’ everyone so hang in there for the warmer weather.
Then we made a change. I moved my office from our third bedroom to my parents house. The old office I used to work in was empty and so we packed up my new, super awesome computer Chris built me and set it up there. I don’t know if its the view of the lake from my desk or that I actually put on real pants to “go to work”. Or maybe that I know Annalise is just 2 seconds away below and I can come kiss boo boos if she needs me. Or possibly the fact that Chris and I have that “so-glad-to-see-you-after-work-kiss” every day now. Whatever the trigger was, it worked. My house was never too small for our family. Come on now. I’ve never been the type for lavish or ridiculous material things. Recently I saved $37 by using coupons for the first time and high-fived the cashier.
Annalise is a good helper already with the family business.
And we definitely still had fun even though the winter lasted forever and ever.
While I don’t see us settling down in southern Indiana, I feel good about this summer. I want to do more things in the city now that Annalise is older. I want to focus on eating healthy foods and being active because it really does effect my mental state. I want to enjoy my time here because I have a feeling when my dad retires we will make a change for the warmer climate my husband so desires. I am strangely okay and at peace with the lack of future plans. Life is good right now. I am content. Maybe I should have another baby… or maybe just paint the living room walls.